Trump proposes renaming IL water towers “Trump Towers”

In what officials are calling a “bold rebranding of American infrastructure,” President Trump reportedly will unveil a proposal April 1 to place his name on water towers across the United States.
Dubbed the “Make Water Great Again Initiative,” the plan would see thousands of municipal water towers repainted in gold lettering and officially renamed “Trump Towers,” regardless of their current height, shape, or proximity to actual skyscrapers.
“Water towers are basically towers, and nobody does towers better than me,” Trump said during a press conference held in front of a mock-up tower featuring a 30-foot gold logo. “You’ve got small towns, big towns — they all deserve a little class.”
According to the proposal, towns would have the option to upgrade their existing structures with “premium branding packages,” including LED lighting, reflective gold trim, and optional eagle statues perched on top “for patriotism and dramatic effect.”
Reactions from local officials have been mixed.
One Midwest mayor reportedly asked if the plan included funding for repainting aging towers.
“They told us we’d have to pay extra for the gold paint,” he said. “We’re still trying to fix a leak from 1998.”
Coal City residents were already weighing in on the plan on social media.
“We would be fools if our town passes up this opportunity to get our water towers repainted at the expense of the federal government,” said one Coal City resident. “I don’t care what the tower is called — as long as it doesn’t start charging admission.”
Another commentor suggested that the Village of Coal City should begin a marketing campaign with the slogan “Come for the water, stay for the tower.”
The proposal also includes a companion app allowing users to “check in” at participating towers and earn points redeemable for commemorative bottles labeled “Official Trump Tower Water — Probably the Best Water.”
When asked how the plan would impact existing city names painted on towers, Trump responded, “We’ll make it bigger. Much bigger. People love big names.”
At press time, several towns were reportedly considering compromise options, including dual branding such as “City of Springfield — A Trump Tower Affiliate.”
Officials confirmed the proposal is expected to move forward on… April 1st.